Challah Bread

A few times I've been around that track,
So it's not just gonna happen like that,
Cause I ain't no challah-back girl.
I ain't no Challah-back girl

...

I'm sorry, but if you guys haven't come to expect this sort of thing by now, what are we even doing here?

Remember the last post when I told you that because I was a crazy person, I used bread I baked that morning to make French toast? This is that bread. I had forgotten to check the bakery to see if they had any challah and I needed it for the recipe, so because I'm me, I figured I'd just make my own.

Except, I couldn't really find a recipe that I liked, so I kinda sorta made this one up? So I have no idea if it's actually authentic or not. I mean, I looked at a ton of challah recipes, so I kinda knew what I was doing, except I just did it my way. *cue Sinatra music*

I was low on all-purpose flour, but I had an unopened bag of bread flour. I figured that would be fine since, you know, I was making bread, but it was actually really hard to find a recipe that used bread flour. And the ones that did had weirdy instructions (one called for half an egg. Half an egg. That's crazy talk) or more ingredients than I had in my kitchen, like a billion eggs or milk.

Instead of making myself crazy trying to find the perfect recipe, I just sort of decided on a ratio of ingredients that seemed reasonable and headed to the mixer. What came out looked reasonably like bread dough, so I proceeded.

And guys, it was actually pretty easy. I let my mixer do all the kneading, and I let the dough do it's first rise in the fridge overnight (cause I was too lazy to finish that night, which is why the bread was so fresh when I went to make the French toast). I didn't even have to use a rolling pin, I just rolled out dough "strands" for braiding with my two hands. Even the braiding wasn't too hard-- I decided to go with the traditional 6-strand braid because I wanted a taller loaf, and I just watched a couple tutorials on youtube before doing it. It didn't come out perfectly, as you can see, but I think it looks pretty good for my first time.

It did rise a lot more in the oven than I expected. A lot more. It tried to take the top oven rack with it when I took it out. So take out your top oven rack, just to be sure.

As for the taste, well, it was pretty good if I do say so myself. But you've got to wait and let it cool completely before eating it, maybe even let it sit for a bit. I know the temptation to eat warm bread fresh from the oven, I do, but if you eat this warm, it will just taste like any old bread. But if you're patient enough and let it cool, it tastes so much better. It's so soft and fluffy and slightly sweet, and I kind of ate half a loaf in the name of taste-testing.

I still don't know if it's authentic or not, but I let my mother try some, and now she's obsessed with it. So, authentic or not, it's still some good bread.

Even if you ain't no challah-back girl.
...
I can't help it.

Challah Bread
Yield: 2 loaves

Ingredients
1 1/2 cups very warm water (about 110-120 degrees F)
1/4 cup melted butter
4 tbsp. honey
1 packet active dry yeast
6-7 cups bread flour
1 1/2 tsp. salt
4 eggs
Egg wash (1 egg beaten with 1 tsp. of water)
Sesame seeds or poppy seeds (optional)

Directions
Mix together the water, butter, and honey. Add the yeast and stir until dissolved. Let sit until foamy, about 10 minutes.

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a dough hook whisk together 2 cups of flour and the salt. Add the yeast mixture and the eggs and mix on low until well combined. Add 2 more cups of flour and mix on low for about two minutes. Gradually add in 2 more cups of flour.

Knead in the mixer about 6-8 minutes, or by hand for 10 minutes until the dough is smooth and elastic. If the dough is too sticky, add the remaining cup of flour, 1/4 cup at a time. Shape your dough into a ball and place in a lightly oiled bowl, turning the dough to coat completely. Cover and let rise until doubled, about 1-2 hours (or refrigerate and let rise overnight, 6-8 hours).

Punch down the dough and turn it out onto a lightly floured work surface. Cut it in half and form two balls. Cover and let rest for 10 minutes.

Working with one ball at a time, divide into 6 equal pieces. Roll each piece into a long, thin rope. Pinch the tops of the ropes together and braid to form a loaf. Repeat with the second half of the dough. cover both loaves and let rise until doubled, 20-30 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Brush the loaves with egg wash and sprinkle with sesame or poppy seeds, if using. Bake 35-45 minutes, until the loaves are well browned and sound hollow when you tap the bottom. Let cool before slicing.

Tip: I heat the water and butter together to save time. The butter doesn't have to be completely melted before adding the yeast-- it will continue to melt as it sits in the warm water.

If you don't feel comfortable doing a six-strand braid, you can always do a regular 3 strand braid instead.

Recipe by Kim

Honey Wheat Sandwich Bread

26 seconds.

I have been given 26 seconds of new Sherlock footage.

The Internet has been given 26 seconds of new Sherlock footage.

And the fandom has exploded.

(FANDOM (n.)- the fan community of a thing)

You know, I've been a part of a lot of fandoms in my time. I started with Buffy/Angel. That was my gateway fandom (my gateway to geekdom, too). Then there was Lord of the Rings, various animes, Harry Potter, Stargate. I dabbled a bit in the Anne Rice/Vampire Chronicles fandom. I was big into the Mercedes Lackey/Heralds of Valdemar fandom in the early days of fanfiction.net, before Tumblr or Pinterest existed, when it was a lot harder to be part of a fandom [HIPSTER GLASSES]. So I'm a little bit of a fandom expert. And let me tell you one thing: there has never been a fandom quite like the Sherlock fandom.

I couldn't say what it is that makes us unique. 3 episode seasons and an excessively long hiatus (a year and a half and counting...) are 2 of the culprits, for sure, but most other fandoms tend to go "dark" with no new content. But we watch. We rewatch. We voluntarily give ourselves Reichenfeels (n.- feels created by watching The Reichenbach Fall)(FEELS (n.)- the unwanted feelings inspired by fictional events. Example: I can't handle all my feels watching Bambi's mom die) in order to search for clues, anything we might have missed. We make note of the buttons on Mrs. Hudson's sleeve, of the earpiece in Watson's ear, of the tiniest of Sherlock's expressions during the epic showdown with Moriarty. We refer back to the canon (n.- the official, or original, storyline)-- the books-- to see if we can find some hint to what might happen next. We curse Moffat and Gatiss, and we study interviews with the actors to see if there's anything they might have let slip.

 

"And how many times have you watched the Series 3 promo?" "Oh, it's all a bit of a blur, Detective Inspector. I lost count." (30 geek points if you get that reference)

And then a 26 second promo is released. I watched it about 5 times in a row, not gonna lie. But I'm still not as bad as others who have scrutinized and analyzed every frame. Gif sets have been made. Theories have been adapted. New theories have been created. Watson's mustache has been named Harold, and Lestrade's hair has been mourned. The Sherlock fandom is one of the craziest and most obsessive that I've ever been a part of, and it's fantastic.

So with the new promo awakening some of my Reichenfeels (damn you Martin Freeman and your ability to break my heart into bitty pieces), I needed to do some carbo loading. I also needed some sandwich bread for another recipe, and since we don't really eat slice bread, it seemed a waste to go out and buy it when I had all the ingredients to make it already in my kitchen. It was fate.

I made a whole wheat bread recipe from Old Reliable, but I decided to make it honey wheat instead. The bread itself is perfect sandwich bread: sturdy, but soft, and the honey gives it a nice, subtle sweetness. There's a nice heartiness from the wheat flour, but it's balanced out by the all-purpose flour. The crust did get a little over-browned-- not burnt, but just a little too dark-- so I would suggest tenting it with foil the last 10 minutes or so. This recipe makes 2 loaves, so if you're not a big sandwich-bread-eater like me, you can freeze half the dough, then have fresh baked bread whenever the whim takes you. I double-wrapped it in plastic, then put it in a zip-top freezer bag, because I'm paranoid about freezer burn.

True story, I was making myself some chicken salad for lunch while the bread was cooling. It was on a rack right in front of my face, and I'm cracking some pepper over the chicken thinking, hmm, I wonder what we have that I can eat this on. And then I looked at the bread, and I thought, hmm, I wonder how I should style it for the pictures. And it took me about another 5 minutes to put those two things together, I'm not even kidding right now. I blame Sherlock.

Honey Wheat Sandwich Bread
Yield: 2 loaves

Ingredients
4 cups whole wheat flour
3- 3½ cups all-purpose flour
3 tbsp. sugar
4 tsp. salt
2 packages active dry yeast
2¼ cups milk
⅓ cup honey
⅓ cup unsalted butter or margarine

Directions
In a large mixing bowl, or the bowl of a stand mixer, mix together the sugar, salt, yeast, 2 cups whole wheat flour, and 1 cup all-purpose flour. In a saucepan over low heat, heat the milk, honey, and butter until warm, approximately 110-120 degrees F (the butter doesn't have to melt completely). With the mixer on low speed, slowly add the wet ingredients to the dry. Increase the speed to medium and beat about 2 minutes, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary. Add another half cup of whole wheat flour, and half cup of all-purpose flour. Beat another 2 minutes on medium speed.

Fold in 1 and a half cups each of whole wheat flour and all-purpose flour to form a soft dough. If the dough is too sticky, add the extra 1/2 cup of all-purpose flour. Using the dough hook, mix on low speed (or knead by hand on a lightly floured surface) about 10 minutes, until the dough is smooth and elastic. Shape the dough into a ball and place in a lightly oiled bowl, turning to coat completely. Cover and let rise until doubled, about 1-2 hours.

Punch down the dough, turn it out onto a lightly floured, and cut in half. Cover and let rest about 15 minutes. Working with one half at a time, roll the dough into a 12 x 8 inch rectangle. Starting at the short side roll the dough up as tightly as possible and pinch the dough to seal. Seal the ends by pinching them down and folding them under. Place in a regular loaf pan that's been lightly greased and lined with parchment paper. Repeat with remaining dough. Cover and let rise until doubled, about 1 hour.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Bake about 25-35 minutes, until the tops are well-browned and the loaf sounds hollow when tapped. If the crust is browning too quickly, tent with foil after the first 15 minutes. Remove from the pan and let cool on a wire rack.

Note: If you only want to make one loaf, freeze half the dough. After letting it rest, wrap in plastic wrap, then place in a freezer bag. To use, defrost completely in the refrigerator, then shape and let rise as directed before baking.

Recipe adapted from The Good Housekeeping Illustrated Cookbook

Nutella Stuffed Sweet Buns

One thing about being the only person to answer the main line for an international company is that you learn very quickly just how little people think before they speak.

I can't tell you how many times I've had people call in and ask for Joe. That's it. "Can I speak to Joe?" Because it's not like there might be more than one guy named Joe or anything.

My favorite is one time I got the reverse of that. Someone asked to speak to Mr. Smith. I applaud your effort sir, but I'm still gonna need a little more information.

I had one person call and ask, "Can I speak to someone?" I'm sure you can. Do you have an idea who you would like to speak to, or should I just start alphabetically?

Or when someone said, "I need to be transferred to someone who can open a document." Umm, I'm pretty sure that's everyone in the building. You want to try something a little more specific?

Visitors tend to be a little better, but I had one that just kind of came up to the desk and stared at me. I smiled, said good morning, she said hi back, and then stared. After an uncomfortable few seconds, she said, "So what do I do?" I don't know. Who are you and why are you here?

Or the visitor that I asked to sign in. They pointed to the sign in book- there's nothing else around that they could possibly use to sign in-, and asked, "in here?" No, not at all. I want you to carve your name into the desk. I like a permanent record.

It's like these people don't realize that I can't read their minds. You guys, I know I'm good, but I'm not that good. So, pro-tip: think about exactly what you want to ask the operator before calling, because she can't read your mind. Also, be as succinct as possible. If I need more information, I'll ask you for it. If not, you're just tying up my phone line. I've had people give me job id's, employee id's, tell me about conferences across the country, tell me how much their medications cost and what they're on, I even had one person give me a social security number. I can do nothing with this information. Except maybe commit identity theft. Not that I would, I feel should clarify, but you really shouldn't just give random people your social security number. Even if that random person is me.

So whenever you're about to call a corporation, take a deep breath and a moment to gather your thoughts before dialing. And you know what, eat one of these Nutella stuffed sweet buns to put yourself in a good mood, too. Because you can't be pissy when you have a belly full of homemade sweet dough and chocolate hazelnutty goodness. That's just science.

As yeast dough goes, these suckers are surprisingly quick and easy. Not quick like 10 minutes quick- dude, it's still yeast dough- but minimal hands on time, no electric mixer needed, and just under 2 hours for combined rising/resting times. Then you roll it up with some Nutella, brush them with some melted butter, sprinkle with some raw sugar, follow up with a quick trip in the oven, and you are in sweet dough/Nutella heaven

These buns are best served fresh and still warm from the oven. The sweet dough is light and airy, and the Nutella is melty and gooey, and it will make you forget all your troubles. Like why you even picked up that phone in the first place.

Nutella Stuffed Sweet Buns
Yield: 10 buns

Ingredients
3 to 3½ cups flour
3 tbsp. granulated sugar
1 pkg. active dry yeast
1 tsp. salt
1 cup milk
¼ cup unsalted butter, divided
1 egg, lightly beaten
Approx. 5 tbsp. Nutella (chocolate hazelnut spread)
1 tbsp. raw or decorating sugar

Directions
In a large mixing bowl, mix together 3 cups flour, granulated sugar, yeast, and salt. In a small saucepan over low heat (or in the microwave) heat the milk and 3 tbsp. butter together until the microwave, or in a saucepan over low heat, heat the milk and butter until very warm, 110°-120°F (butter does not have to melt completely). Gradually stir the milk mixture and egg into the dry ingredients to form a soft dough. If the dough is too sticky, add the remaining 1/2 cup flour.

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface, and knead gently 8-10 minutes, until the dough is smooth and elastic, adding flour as necessary to prevent sticking. Shape dough into a ball, and place in a lightly oiled bowl, turning the dough to coat with oil. Cover and let rise about 1 hour, or until doubled.

Lightly spray a rimmed baking sheet with non-stick cooking spray. Punch down the dough and knead gently on a lightly floured surface about 1 minute. Shape the dough into a log and cut into 10 even pieces. Working with one piece at a time, form the dough into a ball. Hold it in the palm of your hand, using the heel of your other hand to flatten it. Place about 1/2 tbsp. of Nutella in the middle of the dough, then fold the edges over so the Nutella is completely covered. Pinch the edges together to seal completely, then place seam side down on the prepared baking sheet. Repeat with remaining dough. Cover lightly with a towel, and let rise about 20-30 minutes, until nicely puffed.

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Melt the remaining tbsp. of butter and brush the tops of the buns with it. Sprinkle evenly with the raw sugar. Bake 12-15 minutes or until golden brown. Best served warm.

Recipe adapted from Favorite Brand Name Gifts From the Kitchen

Lemon Bubble Ring

Now, you guys know that yeast dough and I have had some troubles in the past. It's not that I don't love it-- if you'd ever seen me tear into a ciabatta roll or gnaw on the end of a fresh loaf of Italian bread like some kind of animal, you wouldn't doubt it-- but we've certainly had our fair share of fights. I think it all stems from  the first time I tried to make focaccia and ended up with this sort of wet cement mixture that could have been used to patch drywall. Since then, I've hesitant. I've shown it my fear, and it's responded in kind.

But, with some help and counseling from Max and Old Reliable, Viola (my mixer) and I have decided to try stepping out, removing the training wheels, and mixing the dough without a bread machine. Now, I love Max, you know I do, but I have very little control over the dough after all the ingredients have been added. You know how sometimes you need to add a little extra flour, and sometimes you don't need quite all of it? If Max is helping, I can't adjust that until after the dough has already been mixed and allowed to rise. So, in the interest of better baked goods, I'm trying not to break Max out every time there's yeast involved. He still has a place of pride in my kitchen, though. And he's still the best way to mix up dough when you're busy with other things.

One of the types of yeast breads that Viola and I have had the most success with is sweet dough. I don't know why, but you add a bunch of sugar to the mix and I am all over that sucker. This lemon bubble ring is no exception. The recipe comes from Old Reliable, and really the only changes I made were to add some zest to the dough itself, and to sub in nutmeg and allspice for the ground mace (I'd never heard of it before this recipe, and I wasn't going to hunt it down for 1/4 teaspoon).

And good lord, is this thing amazing. The soft dough, the bright lemon zest, the warm note from the spices, and the hint of that melted butter on top. Plus, it's super pretty with little effort. And there's no need to stand on ceremony when eating it. Want a piece? Just tear it off. That's the whole point of it. And trust me, you will want to tear into it.

There are very few things in this world that can compare to homemade sweet dough. Very few.


Lemon Bubble Ring {Printable Version}
Yield: 1 loaf (32 “bubbles”)

Ingredients
5-6 cups all-purpose flour, divided
1 cup sugar, divided
2 pkg. active dry yeast
1 tsp. salt
1½ cups milk
¼ cup unsalted butter
2 eggs
Zest from 2 lemons, divided
2 tbsp. melted butter or margarine
1/8 tsp. nutmeg
1/8 tsp. allspice

Directions
In the bowl of a stand mixer, or in a large mixing bowl, mix 2 cups flour, ½ cup sugar, yeast, and salt. In the microwave, or in a saucepan over low heat, heat the milk and butter until very warm, 110°-120°F (butter does not have to melt completely). With the mixer on low speed, beat the liquid into the dry ingredients. Add the eggs and ½ tsp. lemon zest, and beat at medium speed for about 2 minutes, scraping the bowl occasionally. Add ½ cup flour and continue to beat another 2 minutes. Mix in 2 cups of flour to form a soft dough.

Switch to the dough hook (or continue by hand on a lightly floured surface), and add the remaining flour, ½ cup at a time until the dough is no longer sticky. Mix on low, or knead by hand, about 10 minutes, until the dough is smooth and elastic. Shape into a ball, and place in a lightly oiled bowl, turning to coat with the oil. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise until doubled, about 1 hour. Punch down the dough, turn out onto a lightly floured surface, cover, and let rest about 15 minutes.

Spray a 10-inch tube pan with non-stick cooking spray. In a small bowl, mix ½ cup sugar, remaining lemon zest, nutmeg, and allspice. Divide the dough in half, and cut each half into 16 equal pieces. Shape into balls by tucking the ends under. Arrange half the dough evenly in the prepared pan, brush with half the melted butter, and sprinkle half the sugar mixture on top. Repeat with remaining ingredients. Cover with a towel, and let rise until doubled, about 45 minutes (dough is doubled when you can dent it by pressing lightly with one finger).

Heat the oven to 350°F. Bake about 35 minutes, or until golden brown, and the dough sounds hollow when you tap it. Cool in pan about 5 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack to cool completely.

Recipe adapted slightly from The Goodhousekeeping Illustrated Cookbook

Honey Wheat Pretzels-- A Guest Post at Food Stories

I am without power you guys, so it will be a while before you hear from me again. Until then, check out these pretzels over at Food Stories. C.J. actually posted them yesterday, but hurricane.

I'm safe, I'll just be taking cold showers for the next week or so. And stealing power and wifi from work. So updates will be sporadic.

Rustic Herb Bread

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