December 21, 2014

Maple Browned Butter Blondies


This recipe took me a while to perfect.

Not the flavor. I got that first time out. No, it was the texture that gave me trouble. I wanted these blondies to be all gooey and fudgy in the middle.

The first time I made them, they were cakey. Super moist and tasty, but not what I wanted.

So I tried again. This time it was still cakey, but even more moist. Almost too moist. It was a little weird.
And then my mother gave me a list of things to bake for her to give to her coworkers. On the list were the blondies. "You mean the blondies that I haven't perfected yet?" I asked in disbelief

"They're delicious!" she protested. "Everybody loved them."

"But they're not right yet!" But even my brother agreed that they were good the way they were.

I had one last chance to get the recipe right. And you guys, I did it. They're fudgy. They're gooey. They're abso-freaking-lutely delicioso.
Of course, in order to get them to that gooey perfection, I had to make them a dieter's nightmare. There's two and a half sticks of butter in these bad boys, not to mention all the brown sugar and maple syrup. On the plus side, they're super rich so you can't eat too many at once.

They're also not super sweet, which is what I wanted. The browned butter adds enough of a savory flavor to balance out all that sugar and maple syrup, and that's the flavor that really shines in these blondies.
Long story short-- these blondies are amazing and you should make them. They are totally worth every effort I put into them.

Maple Browned Butter Blondies
Yield: 12 blondies

Ingredients
1¼ cups (2½ sticks) unsalted butter, browned
1⅓ cups packed brown sugar
½ cup maple syrup
2 eggs, lightly beaten
2 tsp. maple flavoring
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1½ cups all purpose flour
1½ tsp. baking powder
½ tsp. salt
Optional: about ½ cup toffee bits*

Directions
To brown the butter: melt the butter in a small saucepan over low heat. Continue to heat, whisking constantly, until the butter turns a light, golden brown. Remove from heat and allow to cool to room temperature.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Spray a 7x11 inch baking dish with non stick cooking spray and line with parchment paper. In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the browned butter, brown sugar, maple syrup, eggs, maple flavoring, and vanilla extract until the sugar is dissolved. Add the flour, baking powder, and salt, and mix until smooth. Fold in the toffee bits if using.

Bake 35-45 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Let cool completely before cutting into squares.

*The toffee bits sink to the bottom and melt into a sticky kind of crust. It's a mess, but delicious.

Recipe by Kim

December 17, 2014

Gluten Free Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake


So that name's a bit of a mouthful, but you won't really care too much about the name when you get a mouthful of this cake, because it is the bomb diggity.

Do people still say that? Bomb diggity? Is it still common knowledge that that refers to a thing that is very good? I was never really all that up on hip lingo. Which should be evident by my use of the words "hip lingo." But I digress.

This cookie cake is so good that we need to come up with a new word to describe it. Something fantastic. How about something like... phantasmagorical!

No, wait, that's a word that already exists and means something completely different. I'll do some brainstorming and get back to you.
Here's the skinny on this cake--or not-so-skinny as it were (Get it? Because it's a cookie cake? And it makes you not-so-skinny? I made a funny) (Laugh, dammit) . Coconut flour keeps us all in the gluten free territory, and it's high protein content helps make us full faster so we don't over indulge. Which is good, because I could have totally seen myself eating the entire thing in one sitting. Thanks coconut flour! (Thumbs up! Big smile! Tooth twinkle!)

The last time I worked with coconut flour, I noticed that it had a bit of a grittiness to it, and I wasn't the hugest fan of that. But this cookie cake is so moist and gooey in the middle that you don't get any of that gritty texture (well, you get it a bit around the edges which are drier, but for the most part, zero grittiness.)
And let's talk about that gooey, peanut buttery, chocolatey center of goodness. It's almost like eating raw cookie dough, except it's totally cooked through, so you've got the best of both worlds. Plus, it's a one-bowl, no mixer necessary recipe, so it's an easy dessert to throw together last minute if you've got unexpected guests, or maybe just forgot about them.

The one downfall of this cake is that it is a little delicate. If you try to cut a slice still warm from the oven, it kind of falls apart. I actually found it easier to slice after it had been chilled. Then you can always warm it up for a few seconds in the microwave and serve it with a big ole scoop of vanilla ice cream. Or, you could not care about getting pretty slices. That's always an option.

Gluten Free Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake
Yield: 8 servings

Ingredients
2 eggs, lightly beaten
6 tbsp. milk
3 tbsp. butter, melted and cooled to room temperature
1 tbsp. maple syrup
1 tsp. vanilla extract
½ cup packed brown sugar
1 cup creamy peanut butter
½ cup coconut flour
1½ tsp. baking powder
½ tsp salt
1 cup chocolate chips

Directions
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Grease a 9 inch pie plate or cake tin with butter or nonstick cooking spray. In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk, butter, maple syrup, and vanilla. Add the brown sugar and mix until dissolved. Mix in the peanut butter until smooth. Add the coconut flour, baking powder, and salt, and mix until well incorporated. Fold in the chocolate chips.

Spread the batter evenly into the prepared pan and bake 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool completely before cutting.

Recipe by Kim

December 14, 2014

Yeast Free Pizza Crust


So, long time no see, eh? I'm sorry I've been missing for so long, but I've had a lot on my plate recently. It's not the kitty butt. He's fine. We're off of pills and all the ickiest of his meds, just on his inhalers and oral gel.

It's me. I'm kind of... unemployed at the moment. I didn't get fired or anything. You see, I never actually worked for the company where I worked, if that makes any sense. I was a part of the facilities management company, and they ended our contract. It happens, of course, but they hired a new company that's so completely unprepared for this place that I'd feel sorry for them if I didn't think they were an awful company to begin with. The woman they hired as my replacement had zero experience with Excel, Outlook, or apparently any kind of office phone (she asked me if she had to hit transfer when calling an extension. There was no transferring involved).

The funny thing is, people started coming out of the woodwork, completely upset by this news. I always pretty much figured I was furniture to these people. I had a job, I did it, no big deal, and if there's a decor change, who really cares. But I had people coming up to me, telling me they'd miss me, telling me I could use them as a reference if I needed it, telling me that what was happening was unfair.

But the thing is, I'm not really that upset by it. Sure, I'll miss the paycheck, but I'm on unemployment and I've got some money saved up, so I'll be okay. And yeah, I thought the whole thing was handled poorly (the guy in charge of the whole thing wasn't even man enough to show up our last week), but I was so desperately unhappy there, that this is almost a relief. That place left me with no energy to go anywhere after work or on the weekends. I'd been neglecting my friends and my house. I hadn't even had the energy to cook. So for now, I'm looking at this whole situation as an opportunity. I can catch up on the blog, finally finish organizing my house, work on a project I started almost a year ago that could mean some extra cash flow. Meanwhile, I've been looking into some work from home opportunities that will allow me to continue to do all of this with an income that's not subsidized by the state

So now that I've got all those big life decisions out of the way, let's move on to the good stuff: pizza.
This is my newest favorite way to make pizza. As you all may know, I'm not a planner. So yeast doughs and I are not exactly the best of friends. If I ever wanted to make pizza, I'd either have to get the crust from the grocery store (and since that's not one of my grocery staples, and we've already been over how little I like doing that, that almost never happens), or start it in the morning, which is something I almost never remember to do.

But now that I have this yeast free recipe, I can whip up a pizza from scratch in less time than it takes to get it delivered. Plus, it only uses ingredients I always have in my kitchen, so even on the days when I have very little food around because I haven't been grocery shopping in 3 weeks, I can still make pizza.
The crust is just flour, water, and baking powder with some seasonings. That's it. Mix it up, knead it a couple times, press it into a pan (I used a rimmed baking sheet) and bake for a couple minutes before adding the toppings. I made a quick sauce out of a can of crushed tomatoes with basil (another pantry staple). I cooked it down with a little water, a couple bay leaves, some sugar because it was kind of bitter, and seasonings (oregano, garlic, onion powder, and a little crushed red pepper). Topped it with some shredded mozz and a little bit of shredded cheddar to keep things interesting. I had some Italian-style chicken sausages that I'd bought on sale a while back, so I sliced those and put them on top. Liberally sprinkle with more oregano (I love oregano on pizza. Yum) and bake 10-12 more minutes.

The crust rises beautifully in the oven, even without the yeast. After baking, it's soft and chewy (I prefer leaving the crust a little thicker, but it makes a great thin crust too), but still sturdy enough to have no problems holding it. Flavor wise, I do miss the yeast-y flavor of a regular pizza crust a bit, but it's not a hugely noticeable difference. Plus, this is ready in 20 minutes, which more than compensates for the lack of yeast-flavor. And it makes great leftovers, which we all know I love.
I forsee a lot more homemade pizza in my future.

Yeast Free Pizza Crust
Yield: 4-6 servings

Ingredients
2½ cups all-purpose flour
2½ tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt (optional)
Italian seasonings, to taste (optional) (I used garlic, oregano, basil, and onion powder)
⅔ - ¾ cup water
Prepared tomato sauce and shredded mozzarella cheese, to top (use dairy free cheese for vegan)
Optional: meats or vegetables for toppings

Directions
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. In a large mixing bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, salt and seasonings (if using). Add ⅔ cup water and mix with a rubber spatula until the dough comes together. If the dough is too dry, add the remaining water, a little bit at a time. Alternatively, if the dough is too wet, add up to 1/4 cup extra flour. The dough should be soft but not sticky. On a lightly floured surface, knead the dough for about 5 minutes.

Grease a baking sheet (or pizza pan) with olive oil or butter. Press the dough evenly into the pan, into about 1/2 inch thickness (you can go thicker or thinner depending on your preference). Bake for 5 minutes.

Remove the crust from the oven, and spread a thin layer of tomato sauce on top. Top liberally with shredded mozzarella and your desired toppings. Bake for another 10-12 minutes, until the cheese is melted and bubbly. Serve immediately.

Recipe adapted from Adventures in Coupons and Diethood

October 31, 2014

Frankenstein's Monster Cupcakes


Do you guys realize that every year I've had this blog, I've done a classic horror movie monster cupcake for Halloween? Last year, I did zombie cupcakes. The year before that, I did vampire fang cupcakes. The year before that, I didn't have a blog.

This year, I knew I wanted to keep that ball rolling, so I asked a friend what monster cupcakes I should make this year. Her answer was immediate: Frankenstein.
But Frankenstein cupcakes had been done to death, and by better decorators than I. Or so I thought. Every Frankenstein cupcake I came across was abso-freakin-lutely stinkin' adorable. Don't get me wrong, I love the cute, but at Halloween, I want something a little more gruesome.

So I sat down to brainstorm. How did I do Frankenstein cupcakes that were a) a little more gruesome, and b) accessible to my general lack of decorating skills?
I went back to the monster's origins. Dead flesh stitched back together and reanimated with the use of lightning and mad science. If the monster was flesh that had been stitched together, I could take green Airheads and "stitch" them together over a cupcake. And the frosting should be red, and I could add some red dessert sauce (I used the syrupy part of cherry pie filling) to make the gaps in the "flesh" look all raw and bloody.

Yes, these are words I used to talk about cupcakes.
I had originally intended to use shoe string licorice to stitch the Airheads together, but I couldn't find any, and I didn't really want to order it online. I ended up using a tube of black gel icing from the grocery store. Cookie icing, or a small batch of royal icing would probably work better, since gel can sometimes run.

The Airheads actually ended up being a little more difficult to deal with than I thought. While they were beautifully pliable after being microwaved for a couple of seconds, they harden back up very quickly. Luckily, I wanted raggedy edges and unevenness, so it ended up working out for me, but that's something to keep in mind. And the cherry pie filling can cause the Airheads to "melt," so either add them right before serving, or skip the pie filling "blood." (You can even skip the gaps in the "skin;" it didn't end up having quite the effect I envisioned)
I also decided to buy a nuts and bolts chocolate mold so I could make the monster's iconic neck bolts. I just melted some Merckens black chocolate wafers with some Merckens super white (Merckens black is really more of a very dark brown-- Wilton's gives you a truer black but Merckens tastes so much better), and dry brushed on some silver luster dust, which made them actually look super realistic. Then I just added a touch of red gel icing around the edge for that added touch of gore. I wanted it to look like the bolts had been jammed right in.

But the decorations don't stop at the top:
I colored the cupcakes green and filled the with more cherry pie filling for added oozey gore when you bite into them.

These cupcakes were a bit time consuming, but easy enough for the novice decorator, I think. Except for the chocolate mold and luster dust, there's not a single thing I used that isn't easy to find, most of which can even be found at the grocery store. The cupcakes can be baked, filled, and frosted ahead of time, too.

Cupcakes: I used my Birthday Cake Cupcakes, but Almond cupcakes would go really well with the cherry pie filling
Frosting: I used the same recipe from my Zombie Cupcakes, just added a little raspberry extract (because I thought it would go with the cherry and the watermelon Airheads) and a little whipping cream.
Filling/Blood sauce: Canned cherry pie filling
Skin: Watermelon Airheads. I liked the color of the watermelon better, but Green Apple would also work
Stitches: Black gel icing (royal icing might work better)
Bolts: Black and super white Merckens wafers, melted and poured into this nuts and bolts chocolate mold, and brushed with silver luster dust
*Disclaimer: This post includes affiliate links*

October 23, 2014

Recipes for Little Helpers Round Up


I've always figured that the kid friendliest recipes would be the ones that little hands could help out with. Kids can learn good kitchen etiquette, they get a sense of accomplishment from actually making the food they're going to eat, and Mom or Dad gets some help in the kitchen. Plus, food is fun, so everybody wins. So if you've got a little helper, I've done a round up of some of my recipes that fit this description: easy prep (and easy clean up), minimal use of sharp implements of doom, no mixer necessary, and many of them (with a few exceptions) are even safe for the littlest hands that have trouble staying out of their mouths. (I also had a little too much fun with the new "Comic Book Theme" on Picmonkey. :D)

Obviously, parents are the best judges of what their kids can help with, that should go without saying. I'm just trying to be helpful.

Breakfast

Gluten and egg free, can be made dairy free with the substitution of vegan chocolate hazelnut spread. Little ones can mash the bananas and mix the up the batter.


Dairy, gluten, and refined sugar free, this can be mixed right in the mug it's cooked in, and kids can watch it rise in the microwave. (Note: the mug can be very hot right out of the microwave)


One bowl, egg free muffins that include kid-friendly cereal


Peanut butter, banana, oats, and applesauce make them good for breakfast. Sugar makes them cookies. (Gluten and dairy free)


A homemade graham cracker crust is filled with canned peaches (peach pie filling also works) and topped with crisp mix (Egg free)

Lunch and Dinner

Great for a quick meal or a snack when making a whole pot of pasta isn't feasible. Older kids can learn to do this by themselves, and it's way better than Easy Mac. (Note: the bowl will be very hot straight out of the microwave.)


Kids can mix up this 5 ingredient meatloaf with their hands (always a fun time), and then shape it for the muffin tins


It's pizza and a waffle all in one. Pancake mix makes the batter a breeze to put together, and using the waffle iron means it cooks fast. It's a meal in itself or a fun alternative to breadsticks. (Egg free)


I loved Uncrustables as a kid, and it never occurred to me that I could make my own. Kids can make their own flavor combinations, and use pastry cutters to cut them into fun shapes. Plus, they can be adapted for different dietary needs (gluten free bread, nut free butter, etc.)

Dessert
Peanut Butter Blondies

If kids are willing to sacrifice their Halloween candy, they can help make these blondies. The batter takes a little extra arm strength to whip up, but they can handle it.


I have a friend who makes this chocolate cake with her toddler's help (she even subs in grated zucchini for some of the oil), and uses the opportunity to talk about science (baking soda plus vinegar equals SCIENCE) and shapes. My addition was to use toasted marshmallows instead of frosting. (Egg and dairy free, vegan without the marshmallows)


I got this recipe originally from my middle school home ec class. Melted butter and instant pudding mix make these brownies super simple, and my public school curriculum agrees this is a good recipe for kids to make.


This barely counts as a recipe, and even the littlest can get involved by adding sprinkles or chopped nuts before they go in the freezer. (Gluten and egg free, use dairy free chocolate hazelnut spread for vegan)


The hardest part is shredding the zucchini. Bonus, it's a good way to sneak in some veggies (vegan)

October 16, 2014

EXTERMINATE!: DIY Dalek Cosplay


Hey guys! Guess who wins the "best sister ever" award, alongside the "best wedding present ever" award, and is eligible for the "best nerd-themed joint bachelor/bachelorette party ever" award?

That's right, this girl.

For those of you just joining us, my brother got married this weekend. That's right, the same weekend as New York Comic Con. The biggest nerd event on the East Coast. In an attempt to still go, I asked my now sister-in-law if she would like to have a Comic Con bachelorette party. Her answer, of course, was yes (and then we let my brother come along, so it became a bachelor/ette) party. We pulled out all the stops: a limo into the city, a group Doctor Who cosplay, I made TARDIS corsages for the entire party...
The maid of honor was like, "Kim, I didn't know you could do this!"
I told her I didn't know I could do it either.
And a boutonniere for my brother
...out of dollar store flowers and mini papercraft TARDISes (I got them here, just resized them to make them a little bit bigger), and I even bought photo ops and we did autographing, even though that's not what I usually do at Comic Con, I wanted to make sure they had the true con experience.

(Fun fact: when I walked up to Brent Spiner to ask for his autograph, he asked if he could take my picture. Freaking Commander Data asked for my picture! That really actually happened and I have witnesses. I think I may be doing autographing more now.)

The bride insisted that I be a dalek for our group cosplay (so I was unable to just reuse my TARDIS Dress and Top Hat from last year. Le sigh), and you guys know me. Instead of just buying a dalek dress from Her Universe, I had to go and craft it up.

To start with, you want an a-line style dress in any color. I just happened to already have a blue skater style dress that had been one of the TARDIS dress contenders last year that I couldn't return since it had been on sale. I paid about $17 for it originally, I think. I also bought a petticoat skirt to wear under the dress, a cheap costume-y one, to give it a little more fullness. That's optional, but I think it helps make it look a little more dalek-y.

As always, cotton or cotton blends are best for a dress you plan on modding, and always wash clothes first since they are treated with stain resists that will also resist glue and fabric paint
The next thing you want to do is hunt down some craft foam balls, mine were about 3 inches in diameter, but smaller works too. I found them at the dollar store, two to a pack for a dollar. (In contrast, the ones at Michaels around the same size were 6 to a package for $6, so double the price). I bought out their entire supply since there weren't a whole lot left, and you never know if you'll be able to find something again at the dollar store, so I didn't want to chance coming up short. The cashier looked at me funny. The amount you'll need depends on the length of your dress, but I think I used around 15 (30 halves).

Measure the foam balls against the dress to determine the approximate number you'll need (I figured out the minimum and maximum I'd need, so I knew the actual number would fall somewhere in the middle), then using a large, sharp knife, cut the balls in half. (I may or may not have used my big chef's knife to do this. WHAT. My utility knife was too short) The foam balls I used had a seam around the middle, so I used that as a guide.

Now, the foam I was using wasn't very porous, so I was able to skip right to the painting. If you're using a more traditional styrafoam, you'll want to glaze it first using mod podge or school glue thinned with a little water, this way all the paint won't soak into the foam. Then you want to buy my new favorite thing: metallic craft paint. It's inexpensive ($1.50 for 2 oz. at Michaels), works on multiple surfaces, and actually does look metallic. I used the gunmetal color.

You're not going to cover the foam balls in one coat, so don't try. It's better to go with lots of thin coats than thick, uneven coats. It took about 4 coats of paint before I was satisfied with the color, and then I went with one last thin coat to cover any last brush marks or imperfections. And the good thing about thin coats was that by the time I finished painting the last foam ball, the first one was dry enough to paint over, so you could theoretically do it all in one sitting.
Watching Doctor Who on Netflix helps make this part less onerous.
I'm liking Pertwee.
While your foam balls are drying, you'll want to take some thick, black ribbon and glue it along the bottom edge of the dress. My dress was rather shorter than I would have liked, so I took the opportunity to add an extra inch to the length. I just took the ribbon I had left over from my TARDIS Top Hat, and lined it up with the hem of the dress. Don't try to glue it all at once, you'll make yourself crazy. Work in sections, and let them dry for a few minutes before moving on to the next section.
If you have a cat, he will want to assist you with this part.
Needy McSnuggles says your costume doesn't have enough cat hair
The next step is gluing the foam balls to the dress. Using the waist of the dress as a guide, space out the best arrangement for the top row. It just so happened that 4 worked for me. Then I took thin, black duct tape (left over from TARDIS Dress) and used that to space out the rows. Remember to put it on an angle to account for the flare of the dress. Then just space out the rest of the foam balls-- columns of three worked best for the length of my dress. Once you've got the spacing right, glue it on there (and remember that tacky glue dries clear if you make a mistake).
Let that dry completely (overnight is best) before working on the back of the dress. It's harder to do the back since you can't lay the dress flat, but it's also more important that the front looks good. :3
Watch some more Doctor Who while waiting for your dalek balls (heh) to dry.
Now all we've got left is the waist. Now, I glued the same black ribbon I used on the hem around the waist, but take the benefit of my experience-- that wasn't a good idea. I ended up having to rip off the back half and I was literally hot gluing it back onto the dress mere minutes before I had to leave. The problem is that the ribbon doesn't stretch along with the dress, so it didn't want to go over my shoulders or around my bust. I thought I had planned for it-- I left room in the ribbon along the sides, but it wasn't enough. So instead you might want to go with black elastic ribbon or just paint it on with black fabric paint. Or hot glue yourself into the dress the day of the con. I am proof that that works.
Needy McSnuggles is judging my inability to account for the lack of stretch in the ribbon.

Now onto the eyestalk. This was the part that I think really made the costume. What you need are 1) a paper towel roll, 2) duct tape (the regular silver kind is best. I had white so I used it and painted it silver. Save yourself some steps), 3) a sheet of black craft foam, 4) a blue LED light, found in the flower arranging aisle at most craft stores (mine was left over from TARDIS Top Hat), 5) scissors and hot glue. My beloved tacky glue just doesn't work out here. I know, I tried.

The first thing you want to do is cut the paper towel roll open and measure it around the LED. You want the LED to fit into it, but not fall through it (please note that in the pictures, I had rolled the cardboard too tightly. I ended up having to redo it. The light should be able to sit in the tube without being held.) Wrap the tube in duct tape, and you're gonna want to cut a couple inches off of it. I found this easiest to do after being duct-taped. Hot glue the light into the tube, being careful to make sure you can still turn it on and off.

Cut a wide strip of the black craft foam long enough to go around the light, with a little bit extra. I found it easiest to cut a shallow curve along the bottom of the strip, so when I wrapped it around the light, I was able to have it flare out a bit, allowing easier access to the light. Hot glue it to the tube, then decorate with more thin strips of foam. I added foam around the top to give it more depth, and very thin strips around the sides, to mimic the look of a dalek eye. Then I just added a little bit more of the metallic craft paint, mostly to cover the fact that I am not a neat gluer.
FYI, cats enjoy lying on top of black craft foam.
And they can't resist getting in the picture.
Make sure to test that you can get your fingers in there to turn the light off and on. PSA: the LEDs are extremely bright, and you're basically making a flashlight, so you may accidentally blind a few people since it will be at eye level. Whoops.
Then hot glue the eye stalk to a headband. Glue a small, disposable plastic cup on either side for the "lights." I had originally intended to put actual lights inside the cups, but I thought I already had the two white lights, and I only had one and no time to run to Michaels. If you don't add actual lights, you'll need to add a counter weight of some kind to the headband. Everything that you use to make it is so lightweight that the LED at the end of the eyestalk made it kind of top heavy. I had to keep readjusting the headband all day. Or you might be able to get away with using a heavy duty headband.

As it was, one of the faux lights fell off, so I ended up taking the other one off as well. I'm sure that didn't help the weight disparity either
Fun story: I did a photo op with Stephen Amell (I was buying one for my brother with William Shatner when I thought, ah, what the heck, I'll treat myself), and when it came to be my turn, he jumped back and went "aah" all joking like, then he told me I looked great, and put his arm around me even though we'd been instructed that Stephen had asked for no physical contact (which, considering I'd contracted Con Crud last year, I found to be completely understandable) and you can see that my face is red in the photo, and it appears that Stephen Amell is in possession of the singular talent of being able to make me blush in under 10 seconds.

Arthur Darvill (Rory Williams) also said my costume was great, and Brent Spiner said I was "a vision" (direct quote. I have witnesses!), so despite being a little slapdash, I'd say my costume was a success.
As for the plunger, there is a Home Depot brand one for $3. It's smaller, with a shorter handle, so it's not ideal for actual plunging, but it's perfect for cosplay. The handle was bright orange, though, so I just gave it a quick sanding and painted it with silver metallic craft paint. I didn't have time to do anything for the whisk arm, but I was kind of happy to have a hand free for side hugs from Stephen Amell. Le sigh