Challah Bread

A few times I've been around that track,
So it's not just gonna happen like that,
Cause I ain't no challah-back girl.
I ain't no Challah-back girl

...

I'm sorry, but if you guys haven't come to expect this sort of thing by now, what are we even doing here?

Remember the last post when I told you that because I was a crazy person, I used bread I baked that morning to make French toast? This is that bread. I had forgotten to check the bakery to see if they had any challah and I needed it for the recipe, so because I'm me, I figured I'd just make my own.

Except, I couldn't really find a recipe that I liked, so I kinda sorta made this one up? So I have no idea if it's actually authentic or not. I mean, I looked at a ton of challah recipes, so I kinda knew what I was doing, except I just did it my way. *cue Sinatra music*

I was low on all-purpose flour, but I had an unopened bag of bread flour. I figured that would be fine since, you know, I was making bread, but it was actually really hard to find a recipe that used bread flour. And the ones that did had weirdy instructions (one called for half an egg. Half an egg. That's crazy talk) or more ingredients than I had in my kitchen, like a billion eggs or milk.

Instead of making myself crazy trying to find the perfect recipe, I just sort of decided on a ratio of ingredients that seemed reasonable and headed to the mixer. What came out looked reasonably like bread dough, so I proceeded.

And guys, it was actually pretty easy. I let my mixer do all the kneading, and I let the dough do it's first rise in the fridge overnight (cause I was too lazy to finish that night, which is why the bread was so fresh when I went to make the French toast). I didn't even have to use a rolling pin, I just rolled out dough "strands" for braiding with my two hands. Even the braiding wasn't too hard-- I decided to go with the traditional 6-strand braid because I wanted a taller loaf, and I just watched a couple tutorials on youtube before doing it. It didn't come out perfectly, as you can see, but I think it looks pretty good for my first time.

It did rise a lot more in the oven than I expected. A lot more. It tried to take the top oven rack with it when I took it out. So take out your top oven rack, just to be sure.

As for the taste, well, it was pretty good if I do say so myself. But you've got to wait and let it cool completely before eating it, maybe even let it sit for a bit. I know the temptation to eat warm bread fresh from the oven, I do, but if you eat this warm, it will just taste like any old bread. But if you're patient enough and let it cool, it tastes so much better. It's so soft and fluffy and slightly sweet, and I kind of ate half a loaf in the name of taste-testing.

I still don't know if it's authentic or not, but I let my mother try some, and now she's obsessed with it. So, authentic or not, it's still some good bread.

Even if you ain't no challah-back girl.
...
I can't help it.

Challah Bread
Yield: 2 loaves

Ingredients
1 1/2 cups very warm water (about 110-120 degrees F)
1/4 cup melted butter
4 tbsp. honey
1 packet active dry yeast
6-7 cups bread flour
1 1/2 tsp. salt
4 eggs
Egg wash (1 egg beaten with 1 tsp. of water)
Sesame seeds or poppy seeds (optional)

Directions
Mix together the water, butter, and honey. Add the yeast and stir until dissolved. Let sit until foamy, about 10 minutes.

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a dough hook whisk together 2 cups of flour and the salt. Add the yeast mixture and the eggs and mix on low until well combined. Add 2 more cups of flour and mix on low for about two minutes. Gradually add in 2 more cups of flour.

Knead in the mixer about 6-8 minutes, or by hand for 10 minutes until the dough is smooth and elastic. If the dough is too sticky, add the remaining cup of flour, 1/4 cup at a time. Shape your dough into a ball and place in a lightly oiled bowl, turning the dough to coat completely. Cover and let rise until doubled, about 1-2 hours (or refrigerate and let rise overnight, 6-8 hours).

Punch down the dough and turn it out onto a lightly floured work surface. Cut it in half and form two balls. Cover and let rest for 10 minutes.

Working with one ball at a time, divide into 6 equal pieces. Roll each piece into a long, thin rope. Pinch the tops of the ropes together and braid to form a loaf. Repeat with the second half of the dough. cover both loaves and let rise until doubled, 20-30 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Brush the loaves with egg wash and sprinkle with sesame or poppy seeds, if using. Bake 35-45 minutes, until the loaves are well browned and sound hollow when you tap the bottom. Let cool before slicing.

Tip: I heat the water and butter together to save time. The butter doesn't have to be completely melted before adding the yeast-- it will continue to melt as it sits in the warm water.

If you don't feel comfortable doing a six-strand braid, you can always do a regular 3 strand braid instead.

Recipe by Kim

Puff Pastry Sand-Witches

When my friend invited me to a Halloween party in her new apartment, I told her I'd bring some real food. Like, actual non-dessert type food. I figured she'd need that more than the cupcakes that I will likely still bring with me, since Halloween is the holiday of pure sugar. The only problem is, I wanted to do something themed, and there's not nearly as many savory Halloween recipes as there are sweet. So for once in my life, I decided to go simple. I took some Halloween cookie cutters and made some easy puff pastry sandwiches.

Except, since it's for Halloween, I decided to call them "Sand-Witches," and I can't type the word sand-witch without thinking of this scene in Dreamfall Chapters:

It's one of my favorite scenes too. I'm now mad I didn't think to cosplay as the Sand-witcher for NYCC.

I also had to laugh because when I realized that I had a Halloween cat cookie cutter, all I could think of was this:

Kitten carpaccio.

...

I thought it was funny.

I realize that none of you will get this reference because none of you are playing Dreamfall Chapters, but it was impossible for me not to make the reference. Like, it would have caused me physical pain to not tell you about the Sand-witcher. Moral of the story: everyone should be playing Dreamfall Chapters. So go do that. (It's written by a guy who is basically the Norwegian Joss Whedon. If that's not reason enough to play, I don't know what is)

Kian's adventures in food aside, my sand-witches are super simple, and don't even include any cured Elgwan, mostly because that's impossible to find here in Stark. (Stark is our world, the world of technology. Arcadia is the world of magic. Which you would know if you played the game)

All you need are five ingredients, one of which is totally optional: puff pastry, cold cuts (I used ham), sliced cheese (I used American), honey mustard (you can use any sandwich spread you like, or skip and serve with condiments on the side), and an egg wash to make everything all golden brown and pretty.

Use some Halloween cookie cutters to cut the puff pastry into season appropriate shapes. Add some cheese. Spread the honey mustard on top of the cheese (to prevent soggy pastry). Add some ham. Place another piece of puff pastry on top, pinch the edges closed. Brush with egg wash and bake.

I also scored the pastry or cut some holes for it to vent. Where I could, like this haunted house cutter, I tried to make the holes decorative.

Pumpkins obviously became jack-o-lanterns.

These are quick and easy appetizers you can make last minute for a Halloween party, but it's also a great make-ahead recipe. They can be served warm or at room temperature, can be adapted for any preference, and are something even the kiddos can help make. I think it's a win-win.

Puff Pastry Sand-Witches

Yield: Approx. 6-8 sandwiches, depending on the size of your cutters

Ingredients

1 pkg. puff pastry

6-8 slices of cheese (I used American)

Honey mustard (optional)

6-8 slices of ham (or your favorite cold cuts)

1 egg, beaten

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Use Halloween cookie cutters to cut the puff pastry, cheese, and ham into shapes-- you need two pieces of pastry, one slice of cheese, and one slice of ham per sandwich.

Assemble the sandwiches: start with the first piece of pastry, place a slice of cheese on top. Spread a thin layer of honey mustard on top of the cheese, if using (this will help prevent sogginess if making ahead). Add a slice of ham, and top with the second piece of pastry. Pinch the edges of the pastry together to seal in the filling. Use a sharp knife to score the top, and brush with the beaten egg. Bake on a cookie sheet for 15 minutes, or until puffed and golden. Serve warm or room temperature.

Tip: Flatten the pastry slightly before assembling the sandwiches, so it will be easier to pinch the edges closed. If making ahead, keep refrigerated in an airtight container, and put the sandwiches back in the oven for a few minutes before serving.

Recipe by Kim

And once last word from the Sand-witcher:

Breakfast Burritos

So, remember when I told you about my love of frozen foods? Well, that kind of goes double for breakfast foods. I love breakfast foods, but they always take way too much effort to make for breakfast, you know? I especially love those frozen breakfast burritos with the cheese and the potato and the sausage and the peppers, yuuuuuum.

I'm good though; I very rarely ever buy them because they're pricy and kind of terrible for you, especially the ones with cheese. Those are about 97% sodium.

I was looking through my refrigerator for something to make the other day, and saw scraps from a bunch of other meals. Half of a bell pepper, half of an onion, a package of bacon with only a couple slices left, a small hunk of white cheddar, a couple of potatoes. Then I remembered I had tortillas in the freezer and a new carton of eggs. I had all the fixin's for a breakfast burrito.

Now, these are much better for you than the frozen ones, but are they healthy? Probably not. You can always up the health factor buy skipping the bacon, upping the veggies, and going with egg whites and whole wheat tortillas. Me, I already like the unhealthy stuff, so slightly healthier than that works for me.

And this has got all the good stuff. Eggs and cheese and bacon and peppers and onions, oh my! Super delicious and super satisfying, and totally customizable. Make it with sausage or steak strips. Use your favorite shredded cheese. Add spinach or tomatoes or whatever your little heart desires. These puppies take a little longer to make than the frozen ones, but the effort is totally worth it. Especially when you have leftovers that you can just pop in the toaster oven when needed.

Breakfast Burritos
Yield: 4 burritos

Ingredients 
4 burrito style tortillas
3 strips of bacon, diced
1 medium potato chopped small
1/2 onion, diced
1/2 bell pepper, diced
salt and pepper, to taste
4 eggs, lightly beaten
1 cup shredded white cheddar cheese
1 tbsp olive oil

Directions
Place the tortillas on a microwave safe plate and heat for a few seconds in the microwave until soft.

In a large, non-stick skillet, cook the bacon over medium high heat until browned and crispy. Add the potato, onion, and bell pepper, season with salt and pepper, and cook, stirring occasionally, until the potatoes are fork tender. Add the eggs and cook, while stirring, until the eggs are cooked through. Stir in the cheddar and remove from heat.

Divide the filling equally between between the tortillas. Fold sides and ends of tortilla over filling and roll up. Add the olive oil to the skillet and heat on low. Add the burritos and toast on each side until golden brown. Serve hot.

Recipe by Kim

Homemade Mayonnaise

So apparently, when I have free time, all of my knowledge of cooking and baking just flies out the window. It's like my brain took some time off, too. Everything that I have cooked or baked this week so far has been a fail. Not an epic fail, mind you-- it's all still been edible, and in some cases, quite tasty-- but just enough to rankle my inner perfectionist.

First was the Irish soda bread. The recipe there was all wonkified, as the batter was way too wet.

Second was the pasta salad. Still good to eat, however I tried that thing where you add the food coloring to the water to dye the pasta, and it just turned this sad sort of gray color. Sad little gray bowtie pasta. Because bowties are cool. Even gray ones.

Third were the petit fours. Now, there were a couple of indicators that these weren't going to turn out, but the kicker was when the liquid fondant wouldn't cover them and I ended up burning my fingers instead of having cute little tea cakes.

Fourth was the meringue pie. I screwed up the crust so it fell apart, and the custard filling was too gooey. It tasted really good, but you have to eat it with a spoon.

This was all in a time span of two days, people.

So while I was going to hold off giving you this recipe until I had perfected it a little bit more, I figured I should really take a break before I end up blowing up the house or something.

Homemade mayonnaise is surprisingly simple to make, and uses ingredients you probably already have in the kitchen. It's basically just an emulsion of egg and oil. With some seasonings to make it taste good. Honestly, the hardest part of the process is adding the oil slowly enough that the mayo properly emulsifies. The whole process takes about 10 minutes, tops. Then it's got to chill a bit in the fridge, but if you're making dressing (which I was. For the grayish pasta salad.) you can skip that step since you're going to thin it out anyway.

Seriously, make your own mayo. Flavor it however you like. Even I was able to do it, and I'm apparently doomed to recipe fails this week. You just want to make sure to use the freshest eggs possible, don't use olive oil (too heavy), and grab some tune-age to pass the time while drizzling the oil. You'll need it.


Homemade Mayonnaise {Printable Version}
Yield: Approx. 8 oz.

Ingredients
1 fresh egg, at room temperature
2 tsp. apple cider vinegar
2 tsp. lemon juice
1 tsp. mustard
½ tsp. salt
½ tsp. garlic powder
Large pinch of sugar
1 cup vegetable oil

Directions
In a food processor, or in a mixing bowl with electric beaters, add the egg and beat on medium speed until pale yellow and foamy. Add the vinegar, lemon juice, mustard, salt, garlic powder, and sugar, and continue to mix until well blended. With the mixer or food processor on medium-high speed, slowly begin to drip in the oil. Once about ¼ cup of the oil has been added, reduce speed and add the remaining oil in a thin, steady stream. Add any further seasonings to taste. Place in an airtight container, and refrigerate 1-2 hours until thickened. Store in the refrigerator up to 1 week.

Tip: Because the egg is uncooked, the use of pasteurized eggs is recommended. The egg must be room temperature, and the oil must be added excruciatingly slowly, otherwise the mayo will not properly emulsify. The use of earbuds is recommended to help pass the time during this step.

Recipe adapted from various internet sources

Spinach and Sausage Calzones

Am I the only one that gets a little worried about how their mind works sometimes? I was going to make pretzels. I had planned (that dirty, dirty word) to make stuffed pretzels. I had done research on stuffed pretzels. I had pinned recipes for stuffed pretzels. I had decided to do a spanakopita-inspired stuffed pretzels, with goat cheese (because I didn't want feta) and spinach and sausage.

And I made calzones. Brain, stop trolling me. I now have an unused log of goat cheese in my refrigerator, all thanks to you.

To be fair to Mr. Brain (although he doesn't deserve it, since this is far from the first time he's done it to me)(and he's now apparently male for some reason. I don't know. I'm special.) I was already a bit disheartened by a recipe fail earlier on. I had found the easiest bread recipe in the world, and I was going to make it, then I was going to make a panini with it, and I'd be set with my recipes for the week. Then the bread came out of the oven, and it was gross. See, more planning, and more planning fails. I should really know better.

Anyway, I was disheartened by the bread fail, and Mr. Brain didn't want to go through that agony again. So slowly, stuffed pretzels became stuffed pretzel buns, which became stuffed buns, which turned into calzones.

And, you know, these turned out amazing, so you can't really be too mad at Mr. Brain. He came up with this filling, which is the most epic of noms. Seriously, if it wasn't for the fact that there was raw egg in it, more of the filling might have ended up in my mouth than in the calzones. Creamy and garlicky with the spinach and the sausage and the little tang from the Swiss. Cripes, I'm drooling. I made it pretty super garlicky, but you could tone that down if you want. Just don't tell me, because then we can't be friends.

If you increased the ricotta, this would make killer lasagna or stuffed shells. Or you could wrap it in super simple pizza dough and have a bunch of these hand-held beauties ready for your Superbowl party. Which is soon, right? Soonish? I don't know; I have board game parties, not football parties. But these work well there, too.

So maybe Mr. Brain's trolling all works out for the best. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Spinach and Sausage Calzones {Printable Version}

Yield: 10 individual calzones

Ingredients
1 tbsp. olive oil
1 small onion, diced
1-2 cloves garlic, minced
Big pinch crushed red pepper (optional)
1lb sausage meat (casings removed)
16oz. ricotta cheese
1 pkg. (10oz.) frozen spinach, thawed and drained
½ cup shredded Swiss cheese
2 eggs
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. dried oregano
½ tsp. dried basil
½ tsp. sea salt
Freshly cracked pepper, to taste
1 recipe Basic Pizza Dough (see below), or premade pizza dough
1 tsp. water

Directions
Preheat the oven to 450°F. In a large skillet over medium heat, heat the olive oil. Add the onion, garlic,
and red pepper and cook, stirring constantly, until the onions are translucent. Add the sausage meat and
continue to cook until the sausage has cooked through. Drain off the fat and set aside to cool.

In a large bowl, mix the ricotta, spinach, Swiss, 1 egg, and seasonings until smooth. Mix in the sausage.

Divide the pizza dough into 10 even pieces. Flatten into rounds and roll out to ¼” thickness. In the center
of each round, mound about 3 tbsp. of the sausage filling. Fold the dough in half over the filling, and
pinch the sides together to seal. Place the calzones on an ungreased cookie sheet, and pierce with a
fork. Beat the remaining egg with 1tsp. of water, and brush the tops of the calzones with the egg wash.

Bake 10 minutes. Reduce the oven temperature to 400°F and bake another 5-10 minutes, until the
calzones are an even golden brown. Let cool a few minutes before serving.

Recipe by Kim

Basic Pizza Dough {Printable Version}

Yield: 1 12inch thin crust pizza

Ingredients
1 tbsp. active dry yeast
¾ cup plus 2 tbsp. warm water (about 110°F)
2¾ cups all-purpose flour, plus extra for dusting
1 tsp. salt
1 tbsp. olive oil

Directions
Dissolve the yeast in the water and let activate for 10 minutes. In a large mixing bowl, mix the flour and
salt, and make a well in the center. Pour the yeast mixture into the well, and using a fork, pull the flour
into the yeast mixture. Continue stirring until a dough forms.

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface, and knead until the dough is smooth and elastic,
about 10 minutes. Add more flour as necessary to prevent the dough from sticking.

Coat the inside of a clean bowl with the olive oil. Form the dough into a ball, and place it in the bowl,
turning it over to coat with the oil. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise until doubled in size, about 1
hour. Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured surface. Punch down the dough, and form it into a ball.
Cover with a dish towel and let rise again for about 20 minutes, until almost doubled in size. Stretch into
desired shape and bake as directed.

Recipe adapted slightly from Williams-Sonoma The Best of the Kitchen Library: Baking

This recipe is featured on Foodie Friends Friday Linky Party

Spaghetti and Egg Pie

Work is sucky. It just is. Corporate is outsourcing our IT department. I like our IT department. And the people taking over are loud and obnoxious and mean. That's right, I said mean. No, I can't give you a security badge just because you say that you're from the company. Why? Because it's a security badge. No amount of yelling at me is going to change that. And if you're secretly a Russian spy trying to break in and steal all our sensitive information, I'm not getting fired over that.

(I should stop watching Covert Affairs before work, huh?)

And if that wasn't enough, we're closing another office with everyone moving in here, so they do all need security badges and name plates and directions to their offices and help with their phones. You know who they come to for that? That's right: me. And we picked up a new contract, so call center went on a hiring spree. Oh, and did I forget to mention this all happens the week Mr. Migraine decides to rear his ugly head? (Well the move has been happening all month, to be fair. But there were 18 this week. Plus the 30 call center people. Plus the mean people. I don't know how many there are of them. I think they multiply.)

I'm currently in migraine-hangover. So if I'm a little incoherent, I apologize. But the pain's mostly gone, and I was actually able to eat a real breakfast, rather than just choke something down to cushion the pain killers. And it's been gloomy and cloudy the last few days, like Mother Nature's trying to help me out by cutting out the sun glare.

Three days of pain and nausea and dizziness and decreased mental acuity (a side effect listed on my migraine meds) calls for comfort food. And what's more comforting than pasta and bacon and eggs and cheese? Baked in the oven and sprinkled with more cheese. Yeah, that's the stuff.

I was flipping through Old Reliable (is anyone surprised?) and saw a recipe for spaghetti with bacon and eggs. I decided to make it with tri-color pasta (of which I had fetuccine, so I used that). I also added in some garlic (because what's pasta without garlic?) and baked it. Then I smothered it with more cheese and baked it just a few minutes longer.

Although it worked well enough with the fetuccine (and was super yummy with the tri-color pasta), I think the pie would be a little more sturdy with spaghetti. I think spaghetti strands would just fit together better.

A few notes about the recipe: I used a 12 oz. box of pasta. It's an odd size, but that's how Ronzoni packages their tri-color pasta, and that's what I had on hand. 16 oz may have been too much.

Also, it's a little onion-y, so feel free to cut down on the onion. I liked it, but I also think my onions may have started to caramelize (I cooked them low and slow while waiting for the pasta to boil; it was entirely accidental).

Spaghetti and Egg Pie {Printable Version}

Yield: 8 servings

Ingredients
12 oz. spaghetti, or similar long, thin pasta (I like tri-color)
6-8 slices of bacon, chopped into small pieces
2 small onions, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
6 eggs
Approx. 1 cup shredded cheese, plus extra for melting (I use a Mexican blend)
Pinch of sea salt
Freshly cracked pepper

Directions
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Cook and drain the pasta according to the directions on the box, undercooking slightly. Rinse thoroughly with cold water to prevent sticking. In a large, oven-safe skillet* cook the bacon over medium heat until crispy. Use a slotted spoon to remove the bacon and set aside. Add the onions and garlic to the bacon drippings and continue to cook until the onions are soft. Remove from heat. Add the pasta and bacon to the pan. In a separate bowl, beat the eggs with the salt and pepper. Add the cheese and eggs to the pan and toss until well mixed. Place the skillet in the oven and cook for 20 minutes. Sprinkle with extra cheese and cook another 5 minutes, until the cheese is melted. Serve warm.

*If you don’t have an oven-safe skillet, add the mixture to a pie or baking dish before putting it in the oven.

Recipe adapted from The Good Housekeeping Illustrated Cookbook